Showing posts with label Changes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Changes. Show all posts

Sunday, February 10, 2013

Poor serving the poor

I recently started my job working weekends at the Saint Louis Crisis Nursery, and I LOVE it.

What is it, you ask? The Nursery is a non-profit kind of shelter for kids to prevent abuse from happening in the home. Parents call us up and ask if we can take their kids for a few hours or even a few days while they are going through a crisis. The reasons vary from needing day care so that the parents can go to work, to a parent feeling suicidal, and needing us to take their kids while they receive psychiatric help.



I know it's only been my first week, but I really do love what I'm doing. I was concerned that it would be too tiring for me to handle, but so far serving other people has just energized me, if anything. I do miss having time together with Jeff and Maddie on the weekends, but the bills have to be paid.

In case you're wondering what my schedule looks like - I watch maddie during the days, go to grad school classes at night, and work on the weekends. Thank goodness Jeff and I are taking the same classes, otherwise we would literally never see each other except in passing.

For this next part, I need to do some back-tracking.

Graduating with your bachelor's is not what it used to be. Jeff and I honestly (and naively) thought that graduating would ensure more income, better jobs, etc. We were wrong. It has brought Jeff one low-paying job after another. We quickly realized that the only way to break this cycle would be to go back to school and get some kind of graduate degree.

While we always wanted the end goal to be to recieve our PhDs, I was intimidated by the competition for clinical psychology programs, with their acceptance rates around 3-6%, they're harder to get into than medical schools. So we decided to get our master's in counseling, so that we could financially be able to counsel and support ourselves through our PhD, and so we could develop more experience, making our Resume's more impressive.

Well, I'm here to say that I was wrong. And so dumb. The master's program here will essentially take as much time as a PhD program (because you have to work to support yourself, you end up taking less classes), and more money, (because PhD programs are almost always paid for, and master's are not.)

So now here I am. Three years later after graduation, we are still poor, and we are back to square one. Not to worry, we're going to continue with the master's program, but all the while, we are going to try and prepare a doctorate.

That gives me one year to increase my GRE scores, do more research, and send in applications. On top of everything else we have going on. yikes.

I couldn't feel more sheepish. Why didn't I do all of this when I was completing my undergraduate? Why did I ever tell myself that I should wait a few years? How could I ever have been so young and arrogant and naive and foolish about this stuff?

Welcome to real life, I suppose. I hope one day we'll break the cycle and be able to look back on this and laugh. Until then, I will be working at the Crisis Nursery, a poor woman, serving other poor women. At least my experience helps me have empathy.

And here's a maddie gram to brighten up an otherwise depressing blog post:

Sunday, December 30, 2012

Another new year

In the past few months, I haven't posted nearly as much as I would normally like to, but every year I always try to take the time to recap the year and make new resolutions. So here it is:

2012


  • had a baby (no big deal or anything) 
  • Moved to Saint Louis
  • Left behind some amazing friends in Utah
  • We were accepted to grad school, then the program was shut down, then we were re-accepted into a new, better program. (yay) 
  • Maddie started walking
  • Maddie's first word was mama!


  • In 2013... 
  • Maddie will turn one! And so soon, too!
  • Jeff and I will have known each other for five years.  
  • Jeff and I will start grad school! Jeff has actually realized that he wants to get his Phd in neuropsychology (as per my suggestion, goes to show I know him pretty well) so he may be transferring to the neuro program at UMSL during the year. 
  • I have decided to continue on to get my PhD at UMSL, so I may also be reapplying to become a doctoral student. 
  • Maddie will continue to grow faster than I can handle it.
  • WE WILL FINALLY GET A NEW CAR. Not that I don't just love our subaru that has 230,000 miles on it. (not an exaggeration. that is the literal amount of miles on our car.) 

New Years resolutions: 
  • send family and friends birthday cards. If you haven't done it already, can you click here to give me your address?
  • Get back to being healthy. We were doing really well there for a while, and then the holidays happened. Typical story. 
  • I'm considering starting a new blog about counseling. It's just an idea in my head right now, but I really do enjoy writing and I think it could help me focus my thoughts for my dissertation. What do you think?

    and now, enjoy this photo montage of our 2012: 
Unwrapping presents with maddie bear. We didn't get her much, but she LOVED this gift - a fake set of keys of her very own. 



moments after maddie was born

I miss days like these. 

packed up for the long move to missouri!

maddie's baby blessing

our new home!

pumpkin patch

Jeff and I started running here - Creve Coeur lake

during the move to missouri

maddie loves swimming

love this girl's smile.

maddie in her halloween costume







Friday, September 28, 2012

How to lose 10 lbs in a day

answer: you chop off all your hair.

to be fair, I asked the hairdresser to leave it much, much longer. But since she was young and in hair school, she just kept chopping until everything was even. That's ok, though. Hair grows.

I really did love my long hair before, but I never actually got the chance to enjoy it. It took too long to do anything other than a messy bun.

Before
after

























Now that it's much, much shorter, I might actually have time to do my hair, and then be able to feel great while doing stuff like this: 


Speaking of which, go check out this adorable video of maddie standing up for one of the first times:




Thursday, September 27, 2012

How to go a whole year without getting your hair cut:

Step one: Have little to no extra money.

Step two: have good intentions to get your haircut, then have a baby and lose all free time to get said haircut.

step three: move to a new state where you don't trust anyone to cut your hair.

step four: never, ever, ever wear your hair down. This only encourages your baby to yank on your obscenely long hair, and occasionally use it as a teething toy when you're not looking.

step five: suck it up, find a beauty school that cuts hair for cheap, and go get it done.

(appointment is tomorrow.)
(and no, I'm not exaggerating. The last time I had my hair cut was a whole year ago. My split ends will be thanking me.)

Monday, September 10, 2012

Making Changes

When you first start dating someone, you have a lot of visions and ideas about what you'd be like together. When you're engaged, you're convinced that your life will be exactly how you plan it to be, and you feel on top of the world.

Then you get married, and things don't always go the way you plan, so you make plans for the kind of lifestyle you'll adopt once you have kids.

Then you have a kid, and not much has changed. What do you do then?

Change.

I've been thinking a lot lately about what I want maddie to grow up with. What kind of eating habits do I want to teach her? What do I want her to remember most about her childhood. And I never thought I would say it, but I'm reverting back to my Oregon Hippie roots.

Changes Jeff and I are considering about making:

- No TV. I'm not sure why we haven't talked about doing it before, since my whole undergraduate course of study was on how damaging the media is to men, women, and children. Not to mention how much free time you have together as a family when you're not watching TV.
But here are a few problems: how would we be able to watch sports? That is honestly and truly the only thing holding us back at this point. Does anyone who has experience with this have any solutions?

- Being vegan.
Just kidding! Not totally vegan, but adding more and more fruits and vegetables to our diets. We've already successfully cut out all fast food. (not that we don't still crave it at times)
Now we're considering cutting out processed foods all together.

But there you have it. a healthier diet, and less time around the TV. Does anyone have any experience with either of these things? suggestions?

Tuesday, July 31, 2012

whiteley update

I have to apologize for not blogging so much lately. The truth is, it's easier for me to share what's going on, when I actually have all of my ducks in a row, and right now, none of my ducks are in any row.

But here's what IS going on:

Maddie is beginning to crawl, roll, and scooch her way around everywhere. Part of me loves it, and part of me wants to scream, "stop growing!!"

I have been searching for a job, but have not had much luck. It's really frustrating, especially when all I want to do is stay at home with maddie.

Jeff and I both found a college in the area that has a great counseling program, and we're applying for acceptance for this winter. Keep your fingers crossed for us!

For now, my sanity has been working out. Gosh, I never thought I would ever say that. But since my amazing sister-in-law has lost over 100 lbs, she has been a huge motivation for me to get back into shape. And I have to say, having gone from my c-section and feeling so weak and hardly able to sit up at times, to now, where I have a little more muscle, it just feels amazing.


and now, enjoy this hilarious video of maddie blowing raspberries. 

Monday, May 21, 2012

Goodbye dreams, hello new possibilities. and a pinch of rage.

So last night I discovered that saint louis university has decided to get rid of their counseling program. (i.e. - the program I was accepted into and the major reason why Jeff quit his job so that we could move across the country.)
it's not made up. I swear. 
In one day I have gone through the five stages of grief.

1. Denial - thinking that there was no way that this could be real. I mean, this just doesn't happen.
2. Anger - after discovering that this was indeed very real, yelling at the head of admissions about how much they've screwed up my life plans, and forced me to put off my education another year instead of letting me accept other grad schools.
3. Bargaining - considering SLU's offer to let me get a Master's in Social Work... even though I don't want an MSW, I want to be a counselor.
4. depression - eating french fries. and ice cream. and a milk shake.
5. acceptance - starting to consider the positives of not going to school.

I have to say, I haven't fully accepted that this is happening. Any time someone tells me "oh, this is for the best..." or "God probably wants this for you", I feel like screaming at them: "OH REALLY? WOULD IT BE FOR THE BEST IF I DECIDED TO PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE?!?!".

But then after I've calmed down, I've realized a few positives:
- Being able to be a stay at home mom for just a little longer
- getting a part-time job so I can boost my resume
- forgetting the notion of a master's all together and going straight for my PhD

The truth is, Saint Louis will be a great move for us. Financially, jobs in our field pay a lot more, and housing is much cheaper. And even better, we will be around some amazing family. It was my acceptance into SLU that gave us the kick in the pants we needed to uproot. Hopefully this experience will give me a kick in my pants to get my PhD and enjoy one more school-free year.


but that doesn't mean that I'm not still a little full of rage.


and I kind of feel like throwing things on the ground. like this guy. 

Luckily there is so much to be done before I move that I can immerse myself in packing and suppress my feelings like a healthy, normal american. 

Sunday, April 15, 2012

The worst has happened.

I lost my wedding bands.

I actually lost them after Madison's birth. We took them with us to the Hospital, but haven't seen them since.

You know, when you get married, your wedding bands are everything. Everyone wants to see them, to analyze them, to talk about them. But more than that, they're a symbol of your endless commitment to the love of your life.

Which is why I should be freaking out. I should be running around the house screaming my head off, searching every corner of every nook and cranny.

But I'm not. My ring was just a thing. It was/is beautiful, but it's not the center of my life. My family is. and they make better accessories than some silly ring ever did.

Friday, April 13, 2012

I've had a facelift...

To my blog! I wanted to clean up a lot of the clutter and make the blog cleaner. (now if only I could do the same to our apartment...)

In doing so, I wanted to pick a new name, because the old name, "Amber & Jeff", sounded as if Jeff contributed to it... which he does not.
He did, however, help me brainstorm ideas for names. I was pretty set on "Honest Babe" (like honest abe - get it?), but then I thought it sounded too cheesy.
I wanted to do something clever with our last names... but my sisters in law (or is it sister-in-laws?) have already come up with some unbeatable blog name puns - Red and Whiteley, and Snow Whiteley and the one dwarf.

Finally, I settled on One Blessed Blog, because lately I've been realizing how amazingly lucky I am. I have a loving husband who I couldn't adore more, the cutest baby you've ever seen (although I'll admit, I'm biased), a super fluffy dog, and bright future at grad school.
Madison's birth put everything into perspective for me. Talking with my doctors and midwives since then, I'm still not sure how I survived. It was nothing short of a miracle. And to think that if I hadn't, I would have missed all of this.

I am one blessed woman. 


Sunday, March 25, 2012

Too Much Change!

I'm looking at (old) pictures of Maddie, and I don't even recognize her! I swear I wake up with a new baby every day. She already doesn't fit into her bassinet anymore, and just a month ago it was so big it seemed as though it was going to swallow her up!

Jeff and I are about to put in our two month's notice to our apartment complex that we will be moving to Saint Louis, and I have mixed emotions.

Pros:
- Going to grad school is exciting. It means better our lives, and it's an amazing program, and I should be so proud to be going to SLU. (or so Jeff keeps reminding me).
- Saint Louis is full of Jeff's family, and they are all amazing and fun to be around. It'll be great for maddie to get to know her aunts and uncles.
- Saint Louis is a pretty cool city as far as cities go.



Cons:
- Leaving some of my amazing old friends (lindsay, amanda) and amazing new friends (elyse, gina) behind. Do friends like you exist in saint louis? I hope so.
- Having to think about leaving maddie at day care once I go to school. I just got her! I don't like thinking about it.
- Moving across the country. with a dog and a baby.
- Accepting that I'll probably never live in Oregon ever again. Hopefully someday I'll become a famous psychologist and write some feminist book that makes us millionaires so we can buy a summer home in Oregon.


It's all just too much change. Can time just freeze for just a little while so I can just enjoy how good things are now?
(and can someone tell this kid to stop growing?)