|a picture of myself at 13. |
I remember thinking I was the size of
an overly obsese woman.
When maddie was born, I had a lot of fears, but one of the worst ones I had involved her experiencing the same kind of body-loathing that I went through in my youth. The kind of body-loathing that I think is becoming so prevalent today.
(50% of girls will attempt dieting before they turn eight!)
When I was a kid, I was taller than everyone in the school. By the time I was 12, I was already 5'8", and ahead of everyone. I remember thinking that I was just so incredibly fat. It wasn't until college really that I started accepting my body, but I never really developed a healthy relationship with food.
When maddie was born, I went through another period of self-loathing. Your body just changes so much during a pregnancy, and I started to just feel so uncomfortable in this body I didn't even recognize anymore.
I started trying to lose weight by diet and excercise, but I found myself only becoming more hyper-critical and gaining even more weight.
so I took a step back and gave up.
Until Maddie started eating solid food. She would only eat whatever she saw me eating. I realized at this point that it was time for me to change and have the kind of diet I would want her to have.
So, I became a vegan. (temporarily.) Babies are only allowed to eat fruits and vegetables at first, so that's all I ate. Lots and lots of produce.
I cut out all processed food, I stopped eating meat and dairy, and I learned to really love fruits and vegetables again. And something clicked in my brain - I learned to start craving the foods that make my body feel good. I learned to eat for sustenance. period.
And then I started to really enjoy my food in a way I never knew how to before.
Long story short, without even really trying, I have lost about 40 pounds - granted, a lot of that was regular pregnancy weight, but I lost two pant sizes, and I am actually currently wearing jeans I wore in high school!
Where am I at now? I eat mostly vegan, but only by choice. I eat what makes my body feel good. I never worry about limiting myself when I go out to eat, but I also never feel limited when I'm at home either.
Mainly, I'm not longer in a losing battle with my body and the food I eat. They have become my allies, not my enemies.
I don't think I'll ever really be "perfect", but I am learning how to accept my perfect humanness.
|Looking back on how big my tummy was, it only makes sense that it would take some time and healthy eating to get back where I used to be.|
|my "after" shot.|