As I have loved you, love one another.

I've been hearing the statement, "love the sinner, hate the sin" a lot lately. The statement has always bothered me. I wasn't sure why.
Just today I decided to try and find the scripture for that saying. Guess what? There isn't one. It's not a commandment. Jesus never counseled anyone to "hate the sin."

But Christ did counsel us, "as I have loved you, love one another."

I've seen a lot of hate with this upcoming election, on all sides. It's draining. And most of all, I've seen a lot of un-christian attitudes from Christians, with the excuse that they "love the sinner and hate the sin." I think the phrase is used so much, that many forget to love the sinner at all.

So as of today, I am vowing to follow Christ's counsel to love one another. I am going to "love the sinner, and hate MY sin." I am in no way perfect, and I have enough to focus on myself without focusing on others'.

and to bring some cuteness to a serious post, here's a picture of my cutie pie at church.

Gay Mormons

(*yes, they exist.)

I had the great opportunity to go to a Gay Forum at BYU this week. Unfortunately, since Jeff works nights, I had to take Maddie with me to the forum, and we got off to a late start. After getting there just a little late, this is what we found:

Every door was packed to capacity. Kind of a fire hazard, but luckily no one forced anyone to leave. After doing my best to stand in the hall and listen to what was being said, I still didn't hear anything, and a few people looked a little annoyed with how much babbling maddie was doing. 

But, when I got home my awesome friend, emily, directed me to this website which has a somewhat written transcript of the event: http://thestudentreview.org/2012/04/04/liveblogging-the-byu-panel-of-gay-students/

But if you're not willing to check out the transcript, let me give you the low-down: 1 bisexual and 3 openly gay BYU students explained each of their stories growing up and how they came to realize their same gender attraction. 

Some key points that really touched me:

-They emphasized that they never "chose" to have same-sex attraction, and that their attraction was as much a part of who they were as being heterosexual would be for anyone else.
- They brought awareness to how common this is: "6% of the general population is gay
What that means is that at BYU, 1800 gay students. in every ward there are 15 gay kids and in a class of 50 there are 3".

- Each of the students testified that their faith had grown so much stronger and that they felt peace that God loves them for who they are. 

This is a topic that is really near and dear to my heart. Ever since I can remember I've been surrounded by gay friends and family. The idea that anyone would choose to have same-sex attraction is about as ridiculous as saying that I chose to be attracted to Jeff. 

Overall, I was really impressed by how many BYU students were supportive of LBGT students. When Jeff and I were applying to graduate school, we recieved a lot of criticism from graduate schools about being mormon. Professors would be concerned that because we were mormon we would refuse to counsel gay clients. 

My biggest hope is that more mormons can educate themselves on this topic and preach Christ-like acceptance and love so that we can shed the homophobic stereotype that the rest of the country views us as.

"All of Heavenly Father's children desire to love and be loved... some people with same-gender attraction have felt rejected because members of the Church did not always show love. No member of the Church should ever be intolerant," (Official Church Pamphlet, "God Loveth His Children, 2007).

ps - still wanting to know more? check out this website: http://farbetweenmovie.com/

"what about Jeff?"

Poor Jeff. I so obviously abuse him.

Ever since being accepted into Saint Louis University, I've had a lot of different reactions from different people. Jeff jumped up and down and started telling everyone he knew, my mother burst into tears, and I just kind of sat there saying "crraaap, now we have to move."

However, the majority of people keep saying "wow, that's great. What about Jeff? Is he going to grad school?"
It didn't bother me at first, after all, our goal has always been to go to grad school together. (and before you ask me what about Jeff - He is taking a year to work and help us settle into Saint Louis before applying to SLU.)

But then a thought popped into my head... if the roles were reversed, would someone ever ask Jeff "what about Amber?"

Would everyone be as concerned for me going to grad school? Is it such a crazy idea that I might have more education than my husband? Would we be classifiably insane if he was the stay-at home dad?
The decision to have me begin school before Jeff seemed so naturally to us. I've always been really into school and learning, while Jeff is a much harder worker than I am. So what is it about our situation that makes everyone do a double-take?

Our first couple weeks

I've been so blessed to have Jeff here at home with me the last two weeks. Not only has it helped me with my recovery, but it has honestly felt like a vacation... a sleep-deprived one, but nonetheless, it has almost been like our honeymoon all over again, just getting to know each other as parents and falling in love all over again.

well, enough of that cheesy stuff.

We've become obsessed with taking pictures of Madison, so here they are. Our first week together as a family. 

Maddie's First bath. at first she liked it...

and then she didn't like it. 

all bundled up to go to the first pediatrician appointment

our attempt at swaddling. poor little worm. 

Then, yesterday Jeff and I decided to go to the park. But we didn't realize it would be so windy, so Maddie and I stayed inside the car while Jeff took buddy to go play in the snow. 

maddie was not ok with the cold.

buddy loved it. 

maddie and dad doing "skin to skin" bonding.

Buddy has been really sweet to Maddie. 

A [not so] perfect birth story

A lot of friends and family have had questions about exactly what happened during Madison's birth, so here it goes.

As many as you know, Jeff and I both really admire natural births. We sought out midwives because we wanted to avoid any unnecessary medical interventions.

Our first family photo

Of course, Madison went breech, forcing us to have a c-section. Before the c-section began, doctors did an OR procedure where they pushed on my belly from the outside to try and forcibly move her. The procedure failed and the c-section began. 

So, having to give up our hopes of a beautiful, natural childbirth, we continued with the c-section. The c-section went well, without any complications, and Madison was born with no complications. Of course, I couldn't hold madison after she was born, so I couldn't stop yelling at Jeff to "get back here with my baby!" 

I couldn't hold madison after the c-section,
 so Jeff held her to my face so I could kiss her

Fast Forward two hours after the c-section was over, and I finally was able to hold madison for the first time. Right as Jeff handed her to me, I felt a rush of blood draining from my face, and I started shivering. The nurse checked me, and her face turned to panic. She told me that bleeding was normal after giving birth, but I was hemorrhaging blood. 

She stepped out into the hall to call in my OB. When she came back to check me, she found baseball-sized clots that I had passed. The entire time, I was blissfully unaware of the seriousness of the situation because I was finally holding my baby. Poor Jeff was freaking out, and he finally convinced me to let the nurses take her back to the nursery when my blood pressure dropped to 90/40. 

My first time holding madison,
right as I began hemorrhaging.

I finally realized the seriousness of the situation when my doctor arrived. He had left another patient who was in the middle of delivering her baby to come check on me. When his face looked even more worried than the nurses, I started to panic a little.

At this point, I had lost 4 liters of blood - and there are only about 5.5 liters in the human body. The doctor told us that they had no idea where the bleeding was coming from, or how they would stop it. Jeff and I both started to panic, and maybe we were being naive, but we both took a few minutes to tell each other how much we loved each other. Just in case.

They rushed me back into the OR, thinking they would need to re-open my incision. Before that, they reached into my uterus and scraped out the clots. Jeff watched everything and said they pulled out clots the size of grapefruits. 

Luckily, they were able to get the bleeding under control. Unfortunately, it was at this point that they had to give me Pitocin to continue to stop the bleeding. For those of you who don't know, pitocin is a medicine given to women to induce labor. 

So at this point, after 3 OR procedures in 5 hours, and after having already having a baby, I started to go into labor. The contractions were worse than anything I could imagine. Normal contractions are painful, but  contractions on a uterus that has been cut into and stitched up and extremely inflamed are... unbelievable. 

I don't remember much after that, but Jeff stayed up all night watching me, and he said that I would wake up every 5 minutes from having a contraction in pain, and the instant it ended I would pass out. 

Recovery has been hard, but so worth it! And Jeff and I have just been appreciating every moment together. My midwives even said that had Jeff and I attempted to have a home birth, I wouldn't have even made it to the hospital before passing away. Thank goodness Madison was a breech baby, it saved my life. Everything happens for a reason, and God answered our prayers. 

PS - Madison has been such an easy baby that it (almost) makes up for everything we went through. I Love my little family so much.