Showing posts with label Resolutions. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Resolutions. Show all posts

Sunday, February 10, 2013

Poor serving the poor

I recently started my job working weekends at the Saint Louis Crisis Nursery, and I LOVE it.

What is it, you ask? The Nursery is a non-profit kind of shelter for kids to prevent abuse from happening in the home. Parents call us up and ask if we can take their kids for a few hours or even a few days while they are going through a crisis. The reasons vary from needing day care so that the parents can go to work, to a parent feeling suicidal, and needing us to take their kids while they receive psychiatric help.



I know it's only been my first week, but I really do love what I'm doing. I was concerned that it would be too tiring for me to handle, but so far serving other people has just energized me, if anything. I do miss having time together with Jeff and Maddie on the weekends, but the bills have to be paid.

In case you're wondering what my schedule looks like - I watch maddie during the days, go to grad school classes at night, and work on the weekends. Thank goodness Jeff and I are taking the same classes, otherwise we would literally never see each other except in passing.

For this next part, I need to do some back-tracking.

Graduating with your bachelor's is not what it used to be. Jeff and I honestly (and naively) thought that graduating would ensure more income, better jobs, etc. We were wrong. It has brought Jeff one low-paying job after another. We quickly realized that the only way to break this cycle would be to go back to school and get some kind of graduate degree.

While we always wanted the end goal to be to recieve our PhDs, I was intimidated by the competition for clinical psychology programs, with their acceptance rates around 3-6%, they're harder to get into than medical schools. So we decided to get our master's in counseling, so that we could financially be able to counsel and support ourselves through our PhD, and so we could develop more experience, making our Resume's more impressive.

Well, I'm here to say that I was wrong. And so dumb. The master's program here will essentially take as much time as a PhD program (because you have to work to support yourself, you end up taking less classes), and more money, (because PhD programs are almost always paid for, and master's are not.)

So now here I am. Three years later after graduation, we are still poor, and we are back to square one. Not to worry, we're going to continue with the master's program, but all the while, we are going to try and prepare a doctorate.

That gives me one year to increase my GRE scores, do more research, and send in applications. On top of everything else we have going on. yikes.

I couldn't feel more sheepish. Why didn't I do all of this when I was completing my undergraduate? Why did I ever tell myself that I should wait a few years? How could I ever have been so young and arrogant and naive and foolish about this stuff?

Welcome to real life, I suppose. I hope one day we'll break the cycle and be able to look back on this and laugh. Until then, I will be working at the Crisis Nursery, a poor woman, serving other poor women. At least my experience helps me have empathy.

And here's a maddie gram to brighten up an otherwise depressing blog post:

Sunday, December 30, 2012

Another new year

In the past few months, I haven't posted nearly as much as I would normally like to, but every year I always try to take the time to recap the year and make new resolutions. So here it is:

2012


  • had a baby (no big deal or anything) 
  • Moved to Saint Louis
  • Left behind some amazing friends in Utah
  • We were accepted to grad school, then the program was shut down, then we were re-accepted into a new, better program. (yay) 
  • Maddie started walking
  • Maddie's first word was mama!


  • In 2013... 
  • Maddie will turn one! And so soon, too!
  • Jeff and I will have known each other for five years.  
  • Jeff and I will start grad school! Jeff has actually realized that he wants to get his Phd in neuropsychology (as per my suggestion, goes to show I know him pretty well) so he may be transferring to the neuro program at UMSL during the year. 
  • I have decided to continue on to get my PhD at UMSL, so I may also be reapplying to become a doctoral student. 
  • Maddie will continue to grow faster than I can handle it.
  • WE WILL FINALLY GET A NEW CAR. Not that I don't just love our subaru that has 230,000 miles on it. (not an exaggeration. that is the literal amount of miles on our car.) 

New Years resolutions: 
  • send family and friends birthday cards. If you haven't done it already, can you click here to give me your address?
  • Get back to being healthy. We were doing really well there for a while, and then the holidays happened. Typical story. 
  • I'm considering starting a new blog about counseling. It's just an idea in my head right now, but I really do enjoy writing and I think it could help me focus my thoughts for my dissertation. What do you think?

    and now, enjoy this photo montage of our 2012: 
Unwrapping presents with maddie bear. We didn't get her much, but she LOVED this gift - a fake set of keys of her very own. 



moments after maddie was born

I miss days like these. 

packed up for the long move to missouri!

maddie's baby blessing

our new home!

pumpkin patch

Jeff and I started running here - Creve Coeur lake

during the move to missouri

maddie loves swimming

love this girl's smile.

maddie in her halloween costume







Monday, August 20, 2012

Time keeps on tickin'...


Madison turned 6 months old today. Can you believe it? I sure couldn't. To celebrate, we fed her desert with dinner - mashed up blackberries. She LOVED it and threw a fit once she was done.

On a more serious note, her half-birthday made me reflect on her birth. I went searching through old pictures and found this one, and my heart stopped: 



This was in the middle of the night, after everything had settled down. As you can tell from my swollen eyelids (no, that's not makeup), and my bloated lips, I felt like I had been beaten up. Madison had been separated from me all day, and once we were finally reunited, I insisted that she sleep on my chest with me.

We were two beaten up gals.

Compare that to today, and we have both come a long way.

Since her birth, I've been determined to take back control of my body and rebuild my strength. Not that working out would have or will prevent another c-section, but I just felt so weak after her birth, I needed to prove my strength to myself.

So in a lot of ways, her 6 month birthday was just as much of a milestone for myself. This morning, I went jogging while pushing maddie in the stroller like always. But this time I ran farther than I have since high school. It was liberating. I finally felt strong again.

Hopefully I can keep this up... who knows what I (or she) will accomplish by her 1st birthday?