For the love of pants

This post was written for the same reason that I haven't had any posts lately - with a crying baby on my lap, and the Youtube sensation Psy playing in the background. Something about korean rap seems to really soothe her. (no, really!)

I have so much more that I want to say, and I feel like my ideas are so jumbled, but motherhood is calling, and it is much more important right now.

Many of you may have heard about the wearing pants to church day event on facebook. It's gotten world-wide attention, including articles written in the huffington post, washington post, jezebel, and countless others.
And if you're not mormon, you may have heard about it and wonder when we all hopped into the tardis and traveled back to the 1940s. (that's right, I just made a Dr. Who reference!)

Let me start from the beginning. I am a feminist. I think I always have been. I am also a mormon. I belong to this amazing community of women, called "feminist mormon housewives", and our hilarious tagline is "angry activists with diapers to change". They are amazing, Christ-like women who constantly challenge me to grow my testimony.

However, when a few women who were associated with the group started "wear pants to church day", I thought very little of it. I like wearing skirts, and I have no problem with it. I didn't feel like it was a battle I would understand, or one that I needed to take on.

 So replied that I would not be attending.

But I lingered on the event page to see other peoples' reasoning. There were heartfelt pleas and stories about women who had gone to church in pants and had been ridiculed away. It sparked a memory of my own, when I was first investigating the church and wore pants, one woman my age pulled me aside and told me how disrespectful I had been. I don't think I'll ever forget that.

So I changed my status as "maybe attending". To show support for those who did want to wear pants.

I re-visted the page a day later and was shocked at the responses from other non-feminist mormons. Some of them were appalling. 
Of course there will always be a few loud outspoken few ruining it for the others, but even then the general concensus was "either be quiet and follow the church, or leave."
I had several concerns about that mentality.
Firstly, The church has no stance on pants, They have said (back in 1971) that you could wear either pants or skirts, but to always wear your best.
Secondly, Why are we so against those who are struggling or who have left the church. Isn't their opinion still of value? Aren't we all human, all struggling? There is room for everyone in God's church, so shouldn't there be room for people with differing opinions in our faith?

So I changed my status to attending. 

I was the only woman who wore pants to church, but that was ok, because I happen to be in an amazing ward, full of amazing and accepting women. But it didn't always used to be that way. A ward we attending in Utah made me feel really uncomfortable. The Bishop would gossip about other members behind their back, and when I needed help the most, after Maddie was born and I was recovering from a complicated c-section, the relief society told me that they would not be delivering any meals to our family because I hadn't attended church lately. BECAUSE I WAS ON BED REST.

[Vent over.]

So I wore pants. Because I think that the culture can stand to change a little, to be more accepting. I wore pants because I wanted to show love and support to other people who have been judged, turned away, or ever felt uncomfortable. I wore pants because women my age have been leaving the church at an alarming rate recently, and I wanted them all to know that there is a place for them.

And you know what? about 2,000 other people wore pants today to send me the same message. And I truly felt the love.




ps - this woman expresses my feelings so much better than I ever could. click here. 

pps - Jeff also wore a purple tie in support. I am so lucky to be married to a feminist.

As I have loved you, love one another.

I've been hearing the statement, "love the sinner, hate the sin" a lot lately. The statement has always bothered me. I wasn't sure why.
Just today I decided to try and find the scripture for that saying. Guess what? There isn't one. It's not a commandment. Jesus never counseled anyone to "hate the sin."

But Christ did counsel us, "as I have loved you, love one another."

I've seen a lot of hate with this upcoming election, on all sides. It's draining. And most of all, I've seen a lot of un-christian attitudes from Christians, with the excuse that they "love the sinner and hate the sin." I think the phrase is used so much, that many forget to love the sinner at all.

So as of today, I am vowing to follow Christ's counsel to love one another. I am going to "love the sinner, and hate MY sin." I am in no way perfect, and I have enough to focus on myself without focusing on others'.

and to bring some cuteness to a serious post, here's a picture of my cutie pie at church.

Gay Mormons

(*yes, they exist.)

I had the great opportunity to go to a Gay Forum at BYU this week. Unfortunately, since Jeff works nights, I had to take Maddie with me to the forum, and we got off to a late start. After getting there just a little late, this is what we found:

Every door was packed to capacity. Kind of a fire hazard, but luckily no one forced anyone to leave. After doing my best to stand in the hall and listen to what was being said, I still didn't hear anything, and a few people looked a little annoyed with how much babbling maddie was doing. 

But, when I got home my awesome friend, emily, directed me to this website which has a somewhat written transcript of the event: http://thestudentreview.org/2012/04/04/liveblogging-the-byu-panel-of-gay-students/

But if you're not willing to check out the transcript, let me give you the low-down: 1 bisexual and 3 openly gay BYU students explained each of their stories growing up and how they came to realize their same gender attraction. 

Some key points that really touched me:

-They emphasized that they never "chose" to have same-sex attraction, and that their attraction was as much a part of who they were as being heterosexual would be for anyone else.
- They brought awareness to how common this is: "6% of the general population is gay
What that means is that at BYU, 1800 gay students. in every ward there are 15 gay kids and in a class of 50 there are 3".

- Each of the students testified that their faith had grown so much stronger and that they felt peace that God loves them for who they are. 

This is a topic that is really near and dear to my heart. Ever since I can remember I've been surrounded by gay friends and family. The idea that anyone would choose to have same-sex attraction is about as ridiculous as saying that I chose to be attracted to Jeff. 

Overall, I was really impressed by how many BYU students were supportive of LBGT students. When Jeff and I were applying to graduate school, we recieved a lot of criticism from graduate schools about being mormon. Professors would be concerned that because we were mormon we would refuse to counsel gay clients. 

My biggest hope is that more mormons can educate themselves on this topic and preach Christ-like acceptance and love so that we can shed the homophobic stereotype that the rest of the country views us as.

"All of Heavenly Father's children desire to love and be loved... some people with same-gender attraction have felt rejected because members of the Church did not always show love. No member of the Church should ever be intolerant," (Official Church Pamphlet, "God Loveth His Children, 2007).

ps - still wanting to know more? check out this website: http://farbetweenmovie.com/