Just to warn, this is a venting post. Feel free not to read if you're looking for something about how wonderful life is.
(*those who managed to be honest and realistic about pregnancy - thank you. It helped me a lot)
Here's what I had during my pregnancy: a new pair of stretchy pants... and I stretched out my old wardrobe with my giant belly (along with other giant body parts.) Because the truth is? Pregnancy wasn't perfect and dewy and glowy! I loved it, but I didn't have the money for the perfect clothes or the perfect photo shoot.
Here's what I have: a new camera (which I am so incredibly grateful for), cute hand-me-down outfits from people who loved and supported us, and a post-partum body that still doesn't quite fit into my old jeans. Shocker.
I have to keep reminding myself that it's ok to not be perfect. Madison doesn't know the difference between professional pictures, and my attempt to act like a professional photographer. And the hand-me-down clothes are just as cute as the brand-new ones. Maybe one day I'll get my pre-pregnancy body back, but until then It's ok to look the way I do.
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| Besides, with a baby this cute, who needs a professional photographer? |
anyone else have any similar stories? PLEASE let me know! Maybe if we could all admit that we're not perfect it would be a little easier to stop trying to keep up with each other.
Have you read my blog today?! If not please do! This just made my day and I love you for it!
ReplyDeleteWhile newborn photo shoots are adorable, personally I think candid ones are the best! I was looking through old baby pictures the other day and those everyday ones are really the best! And youre totally right, with a baby that cute who needs professional pictures! One thing you're wrong about though is how you look. I mean, I just saw you the other week and you look STUNNING! And you looked stunning and fashionable your whole pregnancy! I agree though with what you said about people being realistic about their pregnancy, its very refreshing. Youre blog is always refreshing for that reason! Love it!
ReplyDeleteThe biggest change I saw was that people treated me differently. It took my husband and I 6 years to adopt a baby...I knew that other moms were uncomfortable around me, they didn't know what to talk about. I didn't have kids, they didn't have jobs outside the home and all they wanted to talk about was being a mom. I even had one person tell me that having a classroom was completely different from being a mom...I stopped telling my stories about "my kids"...As soon as we brought Arianna home people who had barely said "hello" to me were stopping by the house, inviting me over, and chatting with me in hallway...People want to be comfortable, so they create a mold they want everyone to fit into. We have to try to not take offense. It is hard, but when you focus on the blessing of mother-hood it is easier.
ReplyDeleteAs for the nonprofessional pictures, that is all we have and I love them, because I took them. I captured it...I have a story to tell her. We have also been so blessed with hand-me-downs. I love to see Ari in clothes that my beloved nieces wore :)
I'm totally with you about keeping up with the Molly Mormons. I'm completely done with having kids (and since it's my first no one will believe me) but because I'm in my 20s (well, make that 20. I turn 21 in April) everyone around me is either having their first or planning their second.
ReplyDeleteNow if only I knew how to befriend people who have older kids...
Here's my reality contribution: My manager told me I looked bigger than a Mack truck a couple weeks before I gave birth to Lincoln. And I was really really really big. My ankles and toes were so swollen people would have guessed I had elephantitus had I not also had the massive baby belly as well - for several weeks after giving birth too. Pretty sure that my body has been permanently altered by pregnancy. I'm hoping to be back in better shape for baby #2, but focused exercising for longer than 20 minutes with a toddler on the loose? *Cough cough.* And though I love the idea of a big family and hope for more children soon, the thought of all the work and exhaustion and growing and growing and growing another baby makes me feel like taking a nap or something. We don't own a special camera - just a dinky little point and shoot. You can see our lack of camera expertise with all the flashed out pictures after Linc was born. I had no maternity fashion shoot. But, I was really excited to see a $25 photo package at Target pop up so we can get our first set of "professional" family pictures done now that Lincoln is 13 months old. And all of Lincoln's clothes? Hand-me-downs and gifts. He only has one pair of sandals. I'm thinking maybe the time has come for me to cave and buy him some decent shoes for church. Haha. The list of comparisons can go on forever, but I find I'm happiest when I don't compare myself to others. You and your baby are beautiful, Amber. Just remember that truth most and you'll be alright - hand-me-downs and candid home photography and all! :) Also, just because I like to tell myself this wise phrase from my mom from time to time: "Life sucks and then you die." Haha. Makes everything less serious, and it is so true so often.
ReplyDeleteUtah Mormons are a whole different breed, Amber. Unfortunately, it's all about how you look, what you wear, the car you drive, and the house you live in. (Which is probably why Utah has one of the highest rates of anti-depressant drug use.) What you may not realize is that maybe your friends are going into debt to live this lifestyle. If so, it's not worth it!
ReplyDeleteAll through our married years I would take my kids to JCPenney (with a coupon) and spend maybe $8 for a whole package. Even now, I would love to have professional photos taken of our family (I see them on EVERYONE's walls in the ward), but just can't come up with the hundreds of dollars it costs.
I know how discouraging it can be to have no clothes that fit, or $ to buy some. Maybe you could try second hand stores. Even today, after 22 years of marriage, I still shop at the Goodwill and Holli is clothed almost exclusively in hand-me-downs.
I don't know if that helps, but know that you're not alone in your frustration. Do the best you can with what you have and try to be happy anyway. :D Hang in there!
This is actually a topic I feel very strongly about, so... brace yourself! Blogs, facebook, and other social media have become, in essence, the 24/7 Christmas card. Although I'm not a mom yet, I get so annoyed with the "this is us looking perfect along with our perfect meals in our perfect home oh, and here are our perfect crafts!" blogs that are so prevalent these days. I'd compare them to my blog where I don't think there's a single photograph of a meal I've "cooked" nor of our shoe box sized, poorly decorated apartment and don't even get me started on DIY projects (my idea of a DIY is saftey pinning my skirt). But we all know that stuff doesn't really matter anyway and "to compare is to despair." To live a full, beautiful, imperfect life tied together by people and (not merely projections of a fantasy life), well THAT is worth blogging about.
ReplyDeleteAs far as the whole photography thing goes- here's some advice from my professional experience on how to take great newborn photos at home: Always shoot at an angle where you can't see up the babies nose, stick her in some nice, soft, natural light (like near a window), place her hands on her chest or her face, and you are good to go!
I didn't have as many issues with the appearance thing because, frankly, I've never looked like the "gorgeous" women anyway. But I did have issues getting myself healthy again. I would have women who'd had children maybe a month before me bringing me meals after I had Joshua, and I couldn't even return the dishes. Funny enough, seeing pictures of your pregnancy and hearing about your life through facebook alone made me feel like I was a slacker! haha I can't imagine trying to do more school with Joshua around. I actually still don't have my bachelor's, and I honestly don't know if I'll ever get it (and I'm only 2 classes short). It was (and still is) hard, but I just tried to keep in mind that I'm not those women, and it's ok that my body isn't reacting the way theirs did. And also, if you are moving to St. Louis, moving to Illinois did wonders for me. My ward actually really cares about us now. It's unusual for people to put up appearances. Everyone just acts normal. I don't know the kind of area you'll be in, but I bet it'll be better.
ReplyDeleteAmber - are you kidding? I read your blog all the time! ha ha
ReplyDeleteAmanda - I wish you could just live in my cupboard. You always make me feel good about myself. :)
Ashley - I sort of have an idea of what you went through. When I was a kid, I was told it would be impossible for me to have kids, so when Jeff and I started trying, we didn't expect much. I completely agree with what you said - sometimes people have to fit us into boxes, and if we don't fit their idea of what they think we should be, they don't know how to treat us.
I love your idea that the pictures are stories for you to tell your kids. :)
Mrs. Froh - how dare they! You do what you feel comfortable with. I was an only child, and my mom always told me that she felt like she was a better mom for it because she could give me all of her attention.
Jami - I had no idea you had so much swelling. I can totally relate - my feet swelled up to a size 12! (and I totally tell Jeff all the time that "life sucks and then you die." best saying ever. :)
Lynette - ugh, how true it is. I will be happy to leave Utah. and soon.
ReplyDeleteI didn't want anyone to think that I'm not happy with what I have - I really am! I just hate the pressure that exists around here to have more. A few people have made comments to me even suggesting that I shouldn't be happy with what I have, and that infuriates me. Money isn't everything.
Rachel - I couldn't agree more with you. They've actually done a few psych studies finding that people's self esteems go down if they obsessively use social media- because people only post good news, not the bad stuff! I think It's almost inevitable to compare (just a little bit), but I think we all just need to be a little bit more honest with each other.
Nikki - to be honest with you, even I don't know how I'm going to get my master's with Maddie... I just know that it'll work out somehow. If there's one thing I'll say until my dying day, it's that everyone is different and we all have to do what feels right to ourselves.
And the number 1 thing I'm most excited about is getting a new [normal] ward. :) I'm glad to hear you guys noticed such a difference!
UTAH SUCKS.
ReplyDeleteYou, Amber, are my role model. No one seems as down to earth, blunt & realistic as you are. I love that about you & really admire it. I hope that if/when Lance & I have children that I get the hand-me-downs & stretchy pants & candid, unprofessional, unedited pictures.
It is more important to have a beautiful, healthy, miracle baby than a run-of-the-mill photo session. (I don't understand why those ladies want their bodies plastered all over Pinterest anyways.)
You are awesome. Aren't you so glad you're leaving these cookie cutter moms behind & heading off on a more grand adventure?