Goodbye dreams, hello new possibilities. and a pinch of rage.

So last night I discovered that saint louis university has decided to get rid of their counseling program. (i.e. - the program I was accepted into and the major reason why Jeff quit his job so that we could move across the country.)

it's not made up. I swear. 

In one day I have gone through the five stages of grief.

1. Denial - thinking that there was no way that this could be real. I mean, this just doesn't happen.
2. Anger - after discovering that this was indeed very real, yelling at the head of admissions about how much they've screwed up my life plans, and forced me to put off my education another year instead of letting me accept other grad schools.
3. Bargaining - considering SLU's offer to let me get a Master's in Social Work... even though I don't want an MSW, I want to be a counselor.
4. depression - eating french fries. and ice cream. and a milk shake.
5. acceptance - starting to consider the positives of not going to school.

I have to say, I haven't fully accepted that this is happening. Any time someone tells me "oh, this is for the best..." or "God probably wants this for you", I feel like screaming at them: "OH REALLY? WOULD IT BE FOR THE BEST IF I DECIDED TO PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE?!?!".

But then after I've calmed down, I've realized a few positives:
- Being able to be a stay at home mom for just a little longer
- getting a part-time job so I can boost my resume
- forgetting the notion of a master's all together and going straight for my PhD

The truth is, Saint Louis will be a great move for us. Financially, jobs in our field pay a lot more, and housing is much cheaper. And even better, we will be around some amazing family. It was my acceptance into SLU that gave us the kick in the pants we needed to uproot. Hopefully this experience will give me a kick in my pants to get my PhD and enjoy one more school-free year.


but that doesn't mean that I'm not still a little full of rage.

and I kind of feel like throwing things on the ground. like this guy. 

Luckily there is so much to be done before I move that I can immerse myself in packing and suppress my feelings like a healthy, normal american.